⛪ What it means to have grown up in a religious cult-like environment
In your house, rules and control dominated everything—there was little room for questions, feelings, or your own authentic thoughts.
You learned to be the "perfect" child on the outside while hiding your real thoughts and feelings in a secret inner world where they couldn't cause trouble. Religious doctrine became a weapon of control, used to shame natural curiosity and crush independent thinking. Adults never admitted responsibility—they blamed, deflected, counter-attacked, or raged instead, all while claiming divine authority for their actions.
This environment taught you that authentic self-expression is dangerous, that questioning authority leads to punishment, and that love is conditional on perfect compliance. You developed a hypervigilant internal censor that constantly monitors your thoughts and feelings, making sure nothing authentic or questioning ever surfaces. Even now, freedom feels uncomfortable and frightening because you were taught that independence is rebellion against both family and God.