SEX AS A TRANSACTION

When you were exposed to age-inappropriate sexual environment in your home, your developing mind had to make sense of adult sexuality before you were ready. The early lessons you absorbed about sex from what you witnessed created a foundation where sexuality became dirty, shameful, dangerous, violent, transactional, or manipulative. Your young brain also learned that sexuality was somehow very important and powerful in ways you couldn't understand. This early exposure created deep confusion about what healthy sexuality even looks like.

You might now swing between treating sexuality either as something shameful to hide completely, or use it strategically or compulsively to obtain attention, status or material resources. Your early wiring never let you learn what healthy sexuality looks like, leaving you with deep uncertainty about boundaries, normalcy, and your own desires. You're left feeling disconnected from your own authentic sexual self, carrying a sense of unease about sexual relations in general—that something about sexuality is fundamentally wrong, tainted, transactional and manipulative.

Note: This survivor love style description has been adapted due to its highly sensitive nature. Working with therapists who specialize in sexual trauma can help you learn more about developing healthy sexual attitudes and boundaries 🌱.