😶🌫️ What it means to have grown up with an unavailable parent
Growing up with an unavailable parent meant your feelings and needs were ignored or dismissed so often that you learned they didn't matter—there was no lap to crawl into, no voice that said "I've got you" when you needed comfort most.
You may have become emotionally homeless as a child, learning that your feelings were unwelcome guests in your own home. When you were hurt, scared, or angry, adults either ignored you completely or made it clear that your emotions were inconvenient, dramatic, or wrong. You became fluent in reading others' moods while remaining completely illiterate in your own needs, developing an incredible ability to accommodate everyone except yourself.
You might struggle now to know what you're feeling or needing, since no one helped you understand or validate your emotions growing up. It feels safer to be self-reliant than to need others—disappointment hurts less when you don't expect support. When someone shows genuine interest in your feelings, you may feel both drawn to and suspicious of their attention because it's such unfamiliar territory.