ACTING OUT FOR LOVE

Growing up, your parents' attention was fleeting and conditional—one moment they were focused on you, the next they were completely absorbed in their own problems, work or their phone📱. Whether it was siblings vying for the same scarce attention, constant distractions pulling your parents away, or simply too many demands on their time, you discovered that staying visible required constant effort. You learned that you had to compete for mental bandwidth in a household where being noticed meant receiving care. If you stayed quiet and well-behaved you were ignored, so you discovered that creating enough noise, drama, or distress could reliably pull their focus back to you.

This became your survival strategy—escalating your emotions or creating mini-crises whenever you sensed someone drifting away 🚢. You learned that calm contentment was dangerous because it meant becoming invisible. Your nervous system became wired to interpret distraction as abandonment, creating an internal alarm that screams "They're forgetting about you!"

In relationships, when you don't receive enough attention the voice in your head complains to you "They are taking you for granted!". You find yourself unconsciously creating drama or emotional intensity when your partner seems distant or preoccupied 🎭. Sometimes the only way you can get their attention is to create enough distress to outcompete whatever's consuming their mind—whether it's work stress, their phone, or simply their own thoughts. You might pick fights when feeling neglected, have emotional breakdowns that seem disproportionate, or find yourself sabotaging peaceful moments because calm feels like the prelude to being forgotten.

Your deep desire for connection and your emotional expressiveness are genuine strengths ❤️. However, this pattern can exhaust both you and your partner, creating a cycle where the only attention you end up getting from your partner is negative attention when they are putting out your fires. The tragedy is having to create distress to be seen and acknowledged when what you really crave is simply being valued for who you are without having to earn it through crises.